Let me run through a field in the night...

Okay, I want to start by saying that whatever you might be reading below this won't be edited after I finish typing it. I'm just venting out what I'd like to say to a certain person if I could, so that I can start the new school year clear and without all this on my chest. So, this is the letter I wish I could send, the questions I wish I had answered.


XXXXXX

Dear Mrs. Zone,

I wonder alot why freshman year went the way it did. From the second I walked into the classroom, I suspected you didn't like me. I say that about a lot of my teachers and end up being wrong, but you seriously hated me. Don't try to deny it, because everyone, including my mother, knew you did. You probably thought my parents called in to put me in honors english, right? No. I tested in. I worked for the score I got, but you didn't believe that. I got in the freaking 99th percentle in the state for writing, but I guess that wasn't good enough for you. You know when I knew you hated me? The 3rd day of school. When everyone failed that STUPID Romeo and Juliet essay, and you called my parents in for a conference because my writing wasn't up to honors quality. Did anyone ELSE have to conference on the THIRD DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL EVER? NO! What did I do to deserve it? I really, really, don't understand.

And when everyone else got high grades on the Odyssey project, you gave me an 86. When we did the Legacy project and the faults of our presentation were obviously George's fault, you gave the whole group an 81 when EVERY OTHER GROUP got an A.

You made me feel like I was stupid. I thought that EVERYONE ELSE was smarter than me, that I would never get anywhere, that all the dreams I'd had of being in honors English were lies. And you played favorites, too. Well, I really shouldn't say that, because you favored everyone but ME. Then, you had the BRILLIANT idea to move me down to accelerated for sophomore year. Oh, that's great, make the kid who already feels stupid think she's MORE of an idiot. Great. Good choice, Mrs. Zone.

You knew I was suffering. You knew I hadn't quite adjusted to high school, and I was overwhelmed with the workload, but you never reached out to help me. Your doors were NEVER open to me, even if you said they were. You knew it, and I knew it. You watched me crash and burn and did nothing about it. English was my LIFE for that whole year. I neglected every other subject trying to PLEASE YOU, trying to make you happy, and I got a big, fat, C- and a teacher who degraded me in return. Your STUPID class is the reason I got low B's and even a C in all my other classes. I worked HARD, Mrs. Zone, and you didn't even recognize that.

Sure, I didn't participate in discussions. At first, I was nervous and shy about being in honors and in high school in general. But by the end of the year, the only reason I didn't participate was because I was scared that what I said would sound totally stupid compared to everyone else's comments or, worst of all, that you would tell me I was wrong, AGAIN. And you called on me only when you knew I didn't know what you were talking about.

That's another thing- you NEVER, not ONCE, told me I did anything right. If I messed up a paper, I heard about it from you personally, you called my parents in, you wrote horrible comments on my rubrics. But when I did something right, I got no response at all.

And I always felt that you tried to find things wrong with my work. You'd nitpick on the tiniest things just to prevent me from getting a good grade.

An honors English teacher that knows my mom's friend looked at my Odyssey project and the rubric you wrote and said your grading was ridiculous. See? It wasn't just me.

But you know what? I don't even CARE anymore. Now, I'm ready to get past it. I know that I can succeed this year, and I WILL get into a good college and do what I've always wanted to do, and you can't stop me.

Tonight, I was making smores with one of my friends in her fire pit. I took a piece of paper, decided that it represented you and everything you ever said to me, and threw it the fire, crushing it with the poker stick until it erupted into flames. THAT is the hate I have for you, and I burned it. I DESTROYED every horrible thing you said, every bad grade you gave me, every terrible, self-degrading thought you ever made me think. All those feelings of resentment and pure, unadulterated hate are BURNED. They're in FLAMES, in ASHES, in the bottom of a fire.

I'm done hating you for what you did to me. I'm done harping on that horrible, terrible year that ruined my high school experience. I'm done, Mrs. Zone. I am SO DONE. I'm going to take all those bad thoughts and turn them into something good. Into something that will send me after what I've always dreamed of.

I'm taking what you did and turning it into something beautiful. I can recognize my talents and strengths as well as my weaknesses, and I'm not letting the hate you had for me affect where my life is going.

I'm free. Don't you see? It wasn't worth it, was it? It wasn't worth it to hate a fourteen year old just because you're a type A control freak. Have a nice life, Mrs. Zone, because I'm sure not being involved in it.

I'm free. FREE. Nothing you can do will change that, because I AM FREE.

Look out world, because here I come.